A Miracle Through Surrogacy

A Dream Come True – 3 Years of Hope, Prayers, and Love

A doctor told me I had fibroid tumors in the summer of 2005. I was 34 years old, single and had not had any children at that point. I was a personal trainer and had just launched my first fitness video, “Love Your Legs”, ran three times per week, and felt completely healthy. But, when you hear the word “tumor” and “uterus” in the same sentence, you can’t help but worry. Was I going to be okay? And what about having kids?

As I write this in 2016, now married, our new son baby Oliver sleeps quietly in his bassinet. His presence is surreal. His journey here was a long three-year process while I remained a present and positive mother to my first son, and ran my international fitness accessory company, SPIbelt. Oliver is my second child and simply a miracle for so many reasons. I never thought I would have a child through a surrogate mother, but I could not be more happy and blessed for how the story unfolded.

The Diagnosis and the Doctor

After my fibroid diagnosis in ‘05, I was fortunately referred to Dr. Thomas Vaughn, the best fertility doctor in Texas. He assured me that the removal of my fibroids would not affect my fertility, but he also told me that if I wanted to have kids, I would need to have them within five years because of my age, and the fact that fibroids grow continuously.

So I scheduled my first myomectomy (the surgical removal of fibroids from the uterus that allows the uterus to be left in place) around my 35th birthday, and Dr. Vaughn successfully removed eleven tumors from within the walls of my uterus.

A Long Road to Now

Nearly five years later, on schedule with Dr. Vaughn’s suggestion, I was pregnant with my first son and delivered him via C-section (because of the myomectomy) at the age of 39. At that time, I was a solo starter, meaning I had chosen to have a child on my own without a significant other in my life. During the pregnancy, the fibroids were there, but luckily they didn’t cause any issues for me or my son.

I had my second myomectomy about a year after my son was born. The fibroids had grown so big since my first surgery and twelve fibroids were to be removed this time.

Around 2012, with plenty of time to recover after my surgery, I decided to try for another a child. I figured that since I was able to have a baby after my first surgery, I would also be able to have one after my second. This is when things got tough.

Although the fibroids and being in my 40s didn’t make things easy, I was fiercely determined to have a second child one way or another. For a year and a half, my patience was tested. I experienced false alarm after false alarm, and I waited on too many negative pregnancy tests. But I didn’t want to give up.

Both my OB/GYN, Dr. Reich at Women Partners in Health, and Dr. Vaughn were gracious with my stubbornness, but they also had to be honest and give me the hard truth. They told me that the fibroids within my uterus walls could very well be the reason why a pregnancy wasn’t sticking (in addition to my age). With this news, my hope for a second child was nearly crushed.

Never Give Up!

That’s when I began to think about surrogacy. It hadn’t occurred to me before because I was able to get pregnant with my first son. But there I was, wanting a second child and not being able to have one.

Obviously, I had so many questions. Who would be a surrogate for me? How would the whole thing work? What really was surrogacy? And, more importantly… when could we get started?

When I was having an emotional conversation with my cousin about my infertility experience, I told her that I simply needed a new uterus! We both laughed. If only things were really that easy. But then we started talking about my cousin’s beautiful twenty-six year old daughter, Cydnee, who was a mother to two little girls. I don’t know exactly what my cousin said to her daughter after our conversation, but later that night, Cydnee, like an angel, called me and said she would be more than happy to help. She would be my surrogate.

I made an appointment with Dr. Vaughn and started the process. That took me a year-and-a-half. Surrogacy takes a ton of paperwork, a lot of patience, a number of doctor’s visits, and can be a costly option. Ultimately, I don’t think that not personally carrying the child was harder for me, it was just a different experience, emotionally and mentally.

Of Hope and Heartache

The challenges continued. After two unsuccessful transfers of embryos from my eggs, I nearly gave up. I didn’t want to keep going through this over and over again. The emotional toll was becoming too much to bear. But after a lot of thinking, meditating, and praying, I decided I was going to give it one more try.

Finally, Cydnee was confirmed pregnant! But, again, that excitement was short-lived. A week later, the pregnancy was gone and Cydnee was no longer pregnant.

That was one of the hardest parts of our surrogacy journey. The extreme ups and down. And although it would’ve been understandable to give up at that point, we tried one last time.

Best. News. Ever.

On July 27, 2015, Cydnee was confirmed pregnant, again, with our son Oliver.

The birth of Oliver came after three years of an emotional roller coaster ride with extreme highs and lows. My husband, who I met and married after I started the surrogacy process, was a gift from Heaven. He was so incredibly supportive of where I was at in my journey as a solo starter. Because of him, I am no longer solo, and very quickly, our family went from two to an entertaining group of five!

We are so incredibly grateful for everyone who has helped along the way, especially Cydnee, who did such a selfless thing for our family, and her amazing mom and my cousin, Ericka Holmes. Surrogacy can be just as special and beautiful as a natural pregnancy and birth, and without it, our son Oliver would not be here today.

If you are facing surrogacy as your only option to have a child, I wish you a very loving and enjoyable experience. Once you get all of your paperwork in place, open your mind to the experience that lies ahead. The child may not be in your tummy, but you get to spend nine months preparing for his/her arrival, and you will be the child’s parent all the same.

Enjoy the photos of the birth of our son. Please feel free to email me if you are going through a similar experience and have questions or just want to share your own story!

 

Waiting for delivery
Sitting at Cydnee’s side, we’re moments away from meeting Oliver.

 

About to meet our baby
This picture captures the moment I first saw the baby’s head as he starts to crown. It all becomes real for me here and I’m simply overtaken with emotions.

 

Birth
Oliver makes his debut.

 

Elated
This picture says it all. Simply elated.

 

Our baby boy
Taking it all in.

 

Big brothers meet their baby brother.
Big brothers meet their little brother for the first time.

 

Meeting big brothers
Spending more time with Oliver, skin on skin. Although it looks like I’m nursing him here, he’s just laying on me. For feeding, Cydnee hand expressed the initial colostrum then began pumping.

 

Grandma meets baby.
Grandma and Cydnee’s boyfriend meet Oliver for the first time.

 

Elated
My cousin, Ericka, congratulating me as Oliver’s older brother looks on.

 

Oliver is cleaned up after our skin to skin bonding time.
Oliver is cleaned up after our skin to skin bonding time.

 

Grateful
The love in the room was incredibly intoxicating and overflowing. In this picture, Jason is telling Cydnee what an amazing job she did.

 

Mother and daughter
Mother and daughter love.

 

Grateful beyond words.
I embraced Cydnee and began to cry three years worth of tears. I was beyond grateful for her incredibly selfless act, and relieved that the long haul was finally over.

Birth photos by Leilani Rogers  www.PhotosByLei.com

 

96 thoughts on “A Miracle Through Surrogacy

  1. Amazing story and beautiful documentation. My husband and I are in the surrogacy process now and hope to have her pregnant by July. We have waited 6 years for this and I understand the heartache and joy that comes along with it. I remind myself daily that God is not a disappointing God and that all is well with him in control. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story.

    1. Kendall, thank you for sharing your story. You certainly have the correct mindset, all is well with him in control. Things started to fall into place for me when I let go, felt happy about my baby to come, and started thinking about names. I’m excited for you and your husband! When you meet your baby, I have a feeling you’ll feel it was worth the wait. 🙂 Thank you, Kendall!

  2. You are an inspiration! Thank you for so selflessly sharing your stories and your amazingly beautiful pictures! I strongly considered becoming a solo starter, had read books, done the research, and started saving money. I met and married my husband shortly after hatching my solo plan. We were fortunate enough to have a daughter this past July and she’s my everything. Children and the most amazing gift! I know we need to have another, and would try every option. Thank you so much for your inspiring story and I wish you the greatest happiness! I know that there are no guarantees the next time and would definitely pursue surrogacy.
    Warm regards and best wishes,
    Robyn

    1. Robyn, thank you for your message! Isn’t it funny how you met your husband shortly after hatching your solo plan?! I’ve heard of that happening before. There’s something about taking the pressure off of ourselves that allows things to happen favorably for us. Wishing you and your family the best!

    1. Stephanie, thank you for reading our story. I’m looking forward to reading yours! It’s comforting to know that we’re not alone in the infertility journey. Thank you for sharing!

  3. This is so beautiful and moving! Saw it first on The Birth Hour on Instagram and now through a mutual friend of ours on Facebook. Love photos by Lei – she does beautiful work. I am going to share on my Empowered Birth Austin page with a link to this blog post. Congratulations! -Maureen Hodges RNC-OB

  4. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story! I am a labor & delivery RN and the photos deeply convey the love in the room! It’s so special that your connection with your surrogate allowed for the lovely skin to skin before cutting the cord.
    Wishing you a life as beautiful as this birth!

  5. As a surrogate mother to 4 babies; this story is another beautiful testament to the power of love, fortune, blessings and soooooo much more!!! Surrogates are just as lucky to have the experience as IP’s! I’m so grateful you shared your journey!

  6. hi from Turkey !!! ı turn off everything at home and ı read your story carefully..ıts really amazing..and also ı loved your story..congratulations for your courage..
    by the way,ı am pregnant and we have 39th week,ıam waiting for my baby
    impatiently..that’s all about me.. :))

  7. I saw this image through your photographers page on Facebook. Amazing. Every piece of it. I read the post crying the entire time. I’ve had three children and yet seeing the birth of another baby and seeing the extreme joy and gratitude that comes across in these photos makes it seem like the very first time. Thank you for sharing. I wish your entire family the absolute best.

  8. I think what is amazing is that regardless of the stories we share of the baby experience you will find out that you will love this creature more than you can explain. It is with such intensity you can not wrap your head around the feeling. So you are in for a special pleasure when your day happens, just be strong and patient.
    Cindy

  9. Oh my Kim this is the most amazing story I think I have ever read when it comes to pregnancy!!! I just delivered my 3rd child Quinton March 17th 2016 we had a very rough start he was born at 38 weeks but was having a very hard time transitioning into the world he was life flighted shortly after birth had a ventilator for 3 days a cpap for around another 3 days and finally healthy and able to breath on his own he was in childrens hospital for a total of 9 days it was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with we honestly didn’t think he was going to survive but God does answer prayers!!!! Congrats on little Oliver I know his journey into this world is way way different then my son but still every child is a miracle no matter the way they enter the world healthy sick or with a serrogant mother I hope you and your family are well and little Oliver is striving at life☺️ He is a beautiful little boy!!!!! Congrats?

    1. Shannon, thank you so much for sharing your story with me! Indeed, every child is a miracle. Congratulations on Quinton, I’m happy to hear he’s home now. Wishing you all the best!

  10. I’m a second time surrogate, currently 24 weeks with twins, 33 single and have yet to have my own children. I have loved my journey as a surrogate, but am ready to start a family of my own, the fact that you are/were a solo-starter, is so encouraging to me, since I’ve been thinking very much about it for myself. Congrats on the tremendous growth of your family!

    1. Twins, Shelby, wow! What a gift you’re giving the family. As far as taking the solo-starter route, I’ve often heard from women saying that once they set their mind on the path to starting a family on their own, they end up meeting their significant other! Either way, I’ve learned that things always work out in the end. Wishing you the best!

  11. Your article is incredibly uplifting and it’s funny how our stories overlap. As you were experiencing the joy of surrogacy, I was enjoying the joy of pregnancy! I found out I was pregnant on June 8th, 2015, and we had a beautiful baby girl on February 10th, 2016. Unfortunately, I had to have an emergency hysterectomy due to a condition called placenta increta. It did not affect my pregnancy in any way, and I am so grateful for that, but it has left me unable to carry my own children. I am fortunate that my doctors were able to leave me with my ovaries, and I will be looking into gestational surrogacy in the future! But at only 22, it has been difficult coming to terms with the fact that I have this whole life ahead of me and that I’ll never be able to be pregnant again. I wish I hadn’t been so ready for it to end! But at the end of the day, I’m still so glad to be alive and well and I’m excited to what will happen with my family in the future.

    Your story is beautiful and thanks for listening!

    Erin

    1. Erin, thank you for sharing your story. Congratulations on your daughter! I have the same outlook as you, at the end of the day, I’m still grateful to be alive and grateful for my family! My surrogacy journey definitely taught me that being a mom is not about how one’s baby enters the world. There are many ways babies can enter our lives. And that’s a beautiful thing. Thank you again, Erin, wishing you all the best!

  12. Thank you for sharing! I really enjoyed reading your story. My best friend Esmeralda is in the middle of her second journey as a surrogate. I look up to her for giving the gift that not many can give. I struggled getting pregnant with my first, after two years of trying and a fertility appointment approaching I found out I was expecting. Although I miscarried that first time I was able to get pregnant again a couple of months later ? 3 years later I have two beautiful healthy little girls. Best of luck to you and your beautiful family!

  13. Are the two older brothers step brothers? They look so much alike! What an amazing story!! Your cousin is an angel ? I love a good story of a strong woman unwilling to give up, I wish to you and your family all the happiness in the world ??

  14. Wow what an amazing story and what beautiful photos to capture the moment of his arrival! Such inspiration for so many people. I hope your new family is doing well xx

  15. Kim, Such a wonderful story and amazing pictures!! We are so happy for all of you!!
    Congrats from all of us at CHA Law Group

  16. Congratulations. So wonderful to hear a story with a happy ending. The news tends to focus on the ones that don’t work out for whatever reason. The happiness in every person’s eyes in all of the photos tells this story perfectly. Best wishes for a great life with your family.

  17. this is such an amazing story. thank you for sharing. We all have a story and this little boy has started his surrounded by so much love.

  18. This is such a beautiful story! I sit here reading this, (crying) as a mother to three, beautiful girls. My journey to have them was rough, with multiple miscarriages in between. God bless your family.

  19. Did you ever have times where you felt negatively that you weren’t carrying the baby? If it’s not too personal, where in your surrogacy journey did you meet and marry your husband? I met my husband while I was pregnant with my daughter and married shortly after her birth. I had a similar experience as a previous poster with an emergency hysterectomy after hemmoraging. It’s taken four years to heal and I’m considering gestational surrogacy and I am scared. I want nothing more than to have a child with my husband and I worry about how I will feel having him interact with the woman who can do what I can’t. Your pictures are what gave me a spark of hope. Seeing your family come together with such love and care is inspiring. Thank you for sharing and congrats to your family. You are truly blessed.

    1. Nicky, thank you so much for writing. I hope my experience can help if even a little. As far as feeling negatively about not carrying, not one ounce. I was not able to carry, and I made peace with that. When my surrogate became pregnant with my baby, I was as excited about it as if I was carrying him myself. My son is so very loved, carried by me or not. As far as being worried about my husband interacting with my surrogate, this is not something that crossed my mind at all during the process, but I understand where you’re coming from. Part of the non-issue for me was that my surrogate is family. The rest is that my husband and I were a team throughout the process. The surrogate was there helping us. If the situation was the other way around, I would have supported my husband as my partner, and would consider any outside help as a gift, not a threat. A random example: if my husband was unable to fix my car, and I had to go to a mechanic instead, I would not feel less of my husband or feel anything towards the mechanic other than appreciating their help. (car repair and baby making are nowhere near the same, I know… 🙂 Just trying to get the basic idea across.). And more importantly, there’s nothing romantically appealing about any of the surrogacy process. There’s a lot of paperwork, a lot of doc’s visits and a lot of patience. You two will fall in sync in your partnership in the journey if this is the route you decide to take. And to answer your question about when we met, we met three years after I started trying for my second child and about one month before my last and only successful transfer. We were together from the beginning of the pregnancy which was very special for us. Please keep me posted of your journey and I wish you the best! 🙂

  20. Thank you for sharing your story! I was pretty much a “solo starter” as well, knowing deep down that it was what I had to do at that point in my life in order to finally blossom into something I was destined to do-the amazing fulfillment of being a mom! It has changed my life completely, I never feel the emptiness I once felt so strongly. I encourage women who are struggling with the same battle never to give up or have second thoughts- we can do it! I get tears in my eyes with each story like yours because I was once there and may opt to do it again! God bless you and your beautiful family!

    1. Stephanie, thank you so much for your message. It’s always great to hear from other solo starters! There are so many of us out there, it’s great when we can connect and share our stories. Indeed, yes we can do it! I love it! Thank you again!

  21. I stumbled upon your page this evening and I was instantly captivated. Your story – and thereby everyone story who is involved in this – is one of bravery, strength, love, patience, and grace. I wish you all many years of love, laughter, and an ability to embrace life to its fullest capacity as you all start on this new journey together.

  22. This is such a beautiful story, Kim and the photos are especially touching – I found your story in my FB feed. I’m a first-time surrogate for friends of mine. Could I ask you a few questions of a personal nature? You say in the captions that Cydnee expressed colostrum for baby Oliver – was her nursing him directly ever an option or was that something that one party didn’t want? Also, was Cydnee able to express “enough” colostrum? I ask because my IP’s and I (again they are close friends) are trying to work out how we’ll manage the feedings immediately after childbirth. My first child had jaundice and so I remember needing to pump every 3 hours for the first week; it was so frustrating pumping during the colostrum stage (i.e., before my milk came in) because very little came out (and most of it got stuck in the receptacle to catch it). So I’ve love to hear more about how other parents have managed the situation.

    1. Great questions! Before Oliver was born, our plan was to have Cydnee pump for about 6 months. We were initially concerned about the baby “attaching” and did not want her to nurse Oliver, so we purchased back-up breast milk from another surrogate just in case we needed it after birth. Here’s where it gets interesting…Cydnee expressed an impressive amount of colostrum directly after birth. Oliver was satisfied and we were all happy. Then she had difficulty pumping after 12 hours. My husband prepared the back-up milk and we fed Oliver the backup milk after the colostrum. After a moment of stress, and Cydnee feeling sad about the situation, we thought “what the heck”, why wouldn’t we let Oliver nurse?! So we had Oliver nurse from Cydnee and all was well. It was absolutely no big deal, and it was a huge relief to all of us…Oliver was nursing and Cydnee felt happy he was getting his nutrients as it occurred naturally. Days after we left the hospital, Cydnee was having difficulty pumping, she believes it was the absence of the baby, the cries, etc. There’s truly something to the presence of the baby that helps the milk flow. Long story short, we continued to purchase milk from the donor (breast milk donor) surrogate and Oliver is happy and growing like a champ. What I would tell myself if I was doing this all over again is to have back-up milk, and be open to the idea of the baby nursing from the surrogate. I hope this helps! Thank you for writing!

  23. Thank you for sharing your story. I was told at the age of 16 that I would never be able to have kids due to the fact that I had cervical cancer and they had to do cone byopsies on my cervix in hopes of eliminating it and that they would make my cervix to weak to carry a child past 11 weeks. After 3 doctors telling me the same thing I finally accepted my fate. By the grace of God on January 16th of 2015 I found out I was pregnant again and as the week’s went by closing into that 11 week mark the anxiety raised before I knew it I was 20 weeks and finding out I was expecting a little boy then on September 18th 2015 I had my miricle baby boy. When he was 4 months old I had a miscarriage again and doctors told me the same thing I wouldn’t be able to have anymore children. But once again I am pregnant and I am 9 weeks and 2 days had an ultrasound at 9 weeks baby is healthy and heart rate is 185-190 BPM so we are hoping for a girl. Moral of my story is even though I was told by 4 doctors in total I now have two little miricles. I want to thank you for your sharing because it gives me the hope that my newest addition will survive the odds just like his/her brother did

    1. Samantha, thank you for sharing your experience. Our stories are all so different but similar at the same time. We are wishing the best for you and your family! Please keep us posted!

  24. Congratulations on your new addition!!! I have a question (if you don’t mind my asking)…is the baby biologically yours and your husband’s, or did you use donor sperm like for your first son? I have an adopted daughter, so I know ‘biology’ isn’t what makes a child your own. She is truly a child of my heart. She now has her own (biological) daughter. How amazing to watch her grow as a mother. Again, God’s blessings to you and your family.

    1. Hi Anna-Marie, thank you for the congratulations! Oliver and his brother Dillon are full siblings, I used the same known donor for both. Thank you again!

  25. Wow!!! I have read everyone’s story’s and their all amazing. I have been told that if I ever get pregnant that I wouldn’t be able to carry it for to long. And I just found out that I’m 2 months pregnant. I am worried about losing my baby. So I.don’t really do much during the day. Plz send prayers and love my way.

    1. Katrina, I wish you lots of strength during this time. What worked best for me during the hardest part of my journey was to just let go of trying to control the situation…I removed what stressed me most such as trying to eat perfectly, eliminating caffeine, exercising “x” amount of days, etc. Just be you, be happy and have faith. It might sound easier said than done, but letting go of the controls seemed to work wonders for me. Sending prayers and love your way! Keep us posted.

  26. This is a beautiful experience! !! Thank you for sharing!!! I have one little boy almost three. I can’t wait to have one more!! But after that I would gladly be a surrogate for somebody!!! To be able to make someone’s dream come true would be amazing!!!

  27. I was mainly talked into getting my tubes tied because my relationship would have made it a a house of 7 and so my family pressured me to get my tubes tied. I ended up getting the filshie clamps and two years later I had to get the clamps removed because my body was rejecting them. My tubes are still technically tied and now it’s the moment when all I want is to have one more and I can’t. It would cost close to $6k I believe. I pray every time I’m ovulating there will be a miracle but it’s still no. I love your story and it makes me so happy that people do things like this.

    1. Krystle, that waiting game during ovulation can be so emotionally consuming, as I recall. I wish you the best outcome, and I sincerely hope each month doesn’t stress you out as they did me during my three years of trying. It often made it hard for me to live in the moment, which I certainly resented during that time. Please enjoy every moment you are given! Wishing you and your family the best.

  28. My husband and I are facing infertility. We have had a few friends offer to be a surrogate for us but we are at a loss of where to start!! A lot of what I find my researching is if you are going through the agency, but have not been successful if you are not in need of an agency. Could you guide me in how to start the process?

    1. Nikki, I’m so glad you reached out. This is a great question for many.

      After I confirmed my that cousin was truly interested in helping as a surrogate, I went straight to a recommended family attorney who is very familiar with surrogate cases. A family attorney with this experience should be able to answer all questions for you. (I’ll include my attorney’s info at the bottom of this reply, I believe she’s available for phone consultations).

      As far as I understand, a surrogate arrangement outside of an agency can be customized with your attorney. I talked it through with my cousin and we quickly were on the same page about what things would look like for us moving forward.

      Additionally, my fertility doctor required psychological evaluations for all parties involved before they would move forward with us, so this was another step in the process that needs to be coordinated when moving forward outside of an agency.

      Looking back, I would call the process fairly straight forward and not complicated. Get an attorney, follow the steps from your doctor’s office (usually a psych evaluation first, then lots of contracts), then start the treatment of injections.

      Once your surrogate is pregnant, it’s fairly routine. Before delivery, you’ll also want to tour the hospital and alert the admin team and nurses of your case, and provide them with all documents. We had zero questions once we checked in, all of the staff at the hospital seemed to be aware of our arrangement once we were there.

      Please feel free to email me directly if you have further questions. I’m more than happy to help!

      Sincerely,

      Kim

      My attorney:
      Christine Henry Andresen
      CHA Law Group, PC
      3005 South Lamar Boulevard
      Suite D109-203
      Austin, Texas 78704
      512.394.4230 phone
      512.590.8700 fax
      http://www.chalaw.com

  29. I work with Cydnee and I want to give her a hug but I know I’ll cry. As it is I had to stop half way through the story before I could continue it’s such a selfless and beautiful thing she did. I pray she’ll be incredibly blessed in her life for this gift she gave. I wish you and your family with baby Oliver years of joy, love, happiness, and great health always and forever. God bless all of you. Thank you so much for sharing your incredible story.

  30. Dear Kim,
    I am writing to you from Sabah, a Malaysian state on Borneo Island.
    I have to tell you how touched I am by your story. First, by the selfless act of love by your cousin, Cyndee ( what a beautiful soul!) , by your never say never spirit and by the love that just emanated from the photos! As I browsed, that last one of you hugging Cyndee hit me and I just cried! SHE is a gift! Bless all of you and thanks for sharing your story.

    Esther

    1. Esther, thank you so much for writing and sharing your kind thoughts about our story. And from the other side of the world from me, how awesome is that! You and I had the same reaction to that picture of me hugging Cydnee, I also cried when first saw it, and to this day I still get quite teary-eyed and emotional when I look at it. It is definitely one of my favorite pictures from the series. Thank you again! Kim

  31. Hello Kim,
    I would like to ask one crutial question – how did Cydnee cope with the fact you were bonding Oliver skin to skin right after the birth instead of her?
    How did she cope with not holding the baby – as his mother – who was carrying him for nine months??

    I must admit this emotional and fysical loss for the surrogate mother holds me away from even thinking about surrogacy 🙁
    Even she would be my only chance for my biological child – due to uterus removal because of cervical cancer I had to go through couple years ago…

    Did you discuss all those natural issues before you went through the whole surrogacy process with Cydnee?

    Thank you ahead for your answer,
    Markéta

    1. Hi Marketa, your question is a very important one, and I’ve learned through this process that it’s different for each surrogate. But, the overwhelming majority of surrogates agree that they have a unique perspective on the process and understand quite well that the baby they are carrying is in fact not their baby, but that of the intend parent that they are helping incubate.

      In the US, most surrogates are required to go to a therapist with the intended parents before the process can begin. All natural issues are discussed thoroughly and completely. It is fair to say that even thought someone might say they are prepared to “hand over” a baby they have carried for 9 months, that it still might be emotional for them. That’s natural.

      For my husband and me, I think attending every doctor’s visit helped us establish the expectation for what would happen at birth, i.e. who would attend the delivery, who would cut the chord, hold the baby before and after cleaning, etc.

      Surrogates, especially those who’ve delivered more than one surrogate baby, sign up for the role as surrogate to help women like you and me. They generally understand the outcome and are happy for the intended parents. I would recommend having lots of conversation with your surrogate before and openly ask her the questions you have in your mind. It’s a pretty intimate partnership you’ll have with her, so the more open and honest beforehand, the better!

      Feel free to email me directly if you’d like to chat about it further.

      Thanks, Marketa!

      Kim

      1. This is right! There’s no real maternal attachment to the baby as a surrogate. It’s like a cross between a really intense science project and extreme babysitting.

  32. I just love this story. It’s so wonderful to see positive, uplifting surrogacy stories since you see very few in mainstream media.

    I’m a surrogate currently 38w3d with my first surro babe. I have 4 children of my own and have dreamed of carrying for a couple that couldn’t. I was so fortunate to meet the PERFECT IPs (IMs actually) and we will be welcoming their first baby earthside any day now. It is such an incredible experience for both the IPs and the surrogate….absolutely indescribable.

    Congratulations on your sweet son.

    1. Whitney, thank you for writing and sharing your experience! From the sound of it, I’d imagine you delivered the baby by now! The IMs are incredibly fortunate to have you in their lives. Thank you for being a surrogate!

  33. Thanks for this Article, I don’t know if this makes my story unique, but, I am a nutritionist and my list of attempts over the past 5 years to get rid of these fibroids and menstrual cramps were: acupuncture, exercise, swedish massage, chiropractic, therapy, supplementation, herbs, and diet. Nothing, and I mean nothing made a noticeable difference. Everyone would always say “have you tried _____?” And, I would go out and try it, but to no avail. I was constantly wasting my money, I later found out about Dr.Leonard product for fibroid. It is a permanent cure without any side effect. If you are also a victim, contact him for more information and necessary solution to your problem (drleonard288@gmail.com)

  34. This is such an amazing story thank you for sharing it made me cry but happy tears. Congrats on the baby boy!

  35. Dear Kim,

    Your story is amazing. I happen to come across it while browsing as my partner and I are currently exploring surrogacy as IPs. We have been wanting to have children for many years now and it is only recently that we have the means to start. We have been waiting for a match with a surrogate for many months now and we continue to have hope. The journey is full of road blocks but we remain hopeful that one day we will be matched with a surrogate to make our dream come true. Take care and again thank you for sharing your wonderful experience.

    Woei

    1. Woei, thank you for sharing this with me. It’s just a matter of time, I have no doubt you will find a match. There are so many ways to find a surrogate these days. I wish you all the best!

  36. Dear Kim,
    I admire your strength in going forward using a gestational surrogate, especially for posting your story so you can give other women like me hope for the future. I had my daughter on 11/11/15 (just recently turned a year old! ) After I delivered her at 35 weeks via emergency C-section, later that evening, while in recovery I had placenta rupture, due to eclampsia and my uterus ruptured from the pressure causing a lot of internal bleeding. After 26 units of blood, and not being able to clamp my uterus, the doctors had to remove my uterus in order to save my life. I am most fortunate to be here today to enjoy my miracle baby, but my heart hurts every day knowing I can not carry another child. I know many people may read my story and tell me I am fortunate to at least have had 1 child and I am most grateful for that but there is a piece of my heart that still feels empty. I am 32 years old and was not ready to stop growing my family. I am fortunate to have my ovaries so my husband and I are grateful that I have an option to use a gestational surrogate. I know God has a plan for each of us, so I am hoping I am courageous enough to move forward with a surrogate and give my daughter a sibling and complete our family. My biggest fear is that my child will one day think I am not their mother because I did not give birth to them. Did this ever come across your mind ? Do you have any advice on how to deal with this emotional part of the journey? Thank you again for sharing your story, beautiful children and your beautiful pictures. Best of Luck to you

    Daniela

    1. Daniela,

      Thank you so much for sharing your story! As far as having fear about my child’s view on our bond – that did not cross my mind for one second. And it still doesn’t. He is our child, and we are his parents and there’s no question about that. We feed him breast milk from a surrogate with a bottle and that experience is so precious and very similar to breastfeeding. He holds my finger (like when breast feeding), I hold him against my body, he stares into my eyes, etc. I breast fed my first child, so I remember the experience fondly.

      I also had no option to carry due to the nature of my fibroids so I remembered “God makes us with eyes on the front of our head, not the back”, and embraced my option of surrogacy while holding no regrets to my past (including the years I didn’t take advantage of a healthy fertility environment that my body had when I was younger).

      Surrogacy is a beautiful option, as is adoption. Whichever route your heart takes you, your child will be yours 100% without a doubt, and your daughter will be a big sister!

      One bonus about where you are is that your eggs are 32 years young! I worked with 44 year old eggs, that was rough.

      Feel free to email me directly through the site if you’d like to speak further. Wishing the best for you and your family!

      Sincerely,

      Kim

  37. Dear Kim,
    Your personal journey is a very inspiring one. And I personally thank Cydnee for the invaluable gesture that she made to be your surrogate. Why? Because just like you, I was a solo starter! Failed relationships and busy career made such a very busy single guy out of me. When I reached 40, I realized that there is one thing I was most certain about; and that was being a father. With the help of science and the kindness of a wonderful surrogate and her husband, I was able to welcome my kids….a set of boy-girl twins! Then my family was complete!

    Four and a half years later, I am still flying solo but with the help of my precious kids, I am very happy and well centered in my work-life balance. I cannot imagine my life without having my kids and not being a father. I have another friend who was inspired by what I did (so he says) and so he is also pursuing fatherhood as a solo starter halfway across the world!

    Paul
    P.S. After I discovered your website, I was able to read and enjoy your other posts, specially your entrepreneurial side. And oh, I love my SPIbelt! I also hope to bump into your family in town; we live in ATX , y’all!

    1. Paul, I appreciate your story more than words can say! Your story is so refreshing to read. I’ve had several conversations with single men over 40 who are successful and busy and only getting busier, who’ve expressed the desire to be a parent but who haven’t taken action. Your story is a great example and inspiration to many. Thank you, Paul, so much for sharing!

      * How fun that you’re familiar with the SPIbelt!!!

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